i'm feeling happy

i was with gela last thursday.
i just got out of my make up class for stat1..
i decided to go straight home to freshen myself up from the stink my tired body gave off..
i just remembered..
we were supposed to have a meeting at jade's dorm.
suddenly, gela and i walked across into each other at the carabao.
i was then forced to come along with her to the meeting..

she's got good news...
one of my crushes has been to the campus.
as she texted earlier..
what's more... she's got the pics..
ahahaha...
crazily....
a stalker type of a friend and i love it...

an encounter...
we were continuously walking to reach our destination.
i was grumbling and whining about the disease of my phone when
we suddenly bumped into my future husband...
o God... im too crazy about him..
he didn't notice me at first..
so i slapped-slash-squeezed him in his arm with my left hand.
and then he shouted... HOY!
he turned to look at me...
i looked at him...
i was also shocked at the moment..
it never occurred to me that the circumstance would be "that" weird...
i was dumbstrucked.... and speechless...
none... gave a smile from both of us...
just the the two pair of eyes that said no words..
in the span of about 5 seconds, i turned away...
it was awkward...
i admit...
i was awkward around him...
no one can blame me...
he's too cute!
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..............
now i wonder why he didn't smile at me..
was it because i didn't smile first?
was it because of my awkwardness?
or was it because he was awkward around me, too...
oh, great,, another wishful thinking...
that little spark never ceases to me...
a tinge of hope always gets me going.
wishing...
dreaming...

smiles... nonstop smiles and hallucinations...
we were happy..
we were gay..
gela was happy for me too...
it was indeed an encounter...
she also noticed my oddity back there...
that couldn't be helped...
it already happened.
i kept rewinding my thoughts to the memory...

still.... he didn't know...
i don't want to give him the creeps..
i just told him that i was starstrucked at him.. at the moment.
he asked why...
i gave no definite answer...
i told him that i didn't know...
i'm fine just seeing him... and getting the chance to talk to him every once in a while...
enough not to miss him too much...
enough to know more about him...
i already know what i didn't like about him..
it's not that he oftenly snobs my presence...
i can understand myself under his shoe when with someone you're not totally interested with...
(yeah... bitterness aside..)
it was that...
he was such an achiever...
i wasn't...
he have big dreams...
i have none..
we're too different...

closer together...
it actually slipped my mind that i have a thing for him...
in most cases when we talk online..
i really have this big tendency... erm.. well more like a defense mechanism to irritate/tease/insult/annoy the people that i am very fond of...
i dunno if its ok..
i know... i will never have a boyfriend because of it...
o well... getting back...
i have increased my knowledge of him...
the latest... i now know that he's nearsighted..
and he has also been curious to the oddity of his stare...
i gave no explanation...
its not the right time to speak it out..
i totally forgot the phrases that defines it.
he has been a fan of my other crush...
oh.. shucks.. both of them are high achievers...
at least.. the mentor/older once told me that i am beautiful..
hays...
i really didn't like him like this before...
he's just another weird creature with weird stares...
yeah... sometimes he wasn't just looking... he's already staring... and i don't know why...
is his nearsightedness an enough reason for it?
oh well...
enough about it...
what's important was that he was there..
especially at times of depression and i needed someone to confide with...
though i don't open much to him...
luckily...
he was there... not knowing that he's making me really happy.. =^___^=

the question.......
what's this?
what is this feeling?
what is this thing that i have for him?