Sunday, January 27, 2008

It's rude to stare....

Will you have some manners?
Please…
Don’t stare at me like that.
It’s annoying me big time.
I don’t really know you
And I haven’t done anything to you
So stop bothering me!


There were times that you don’t
And I am thankful for that
But in cases that you do,
It really builds a great confusion
- between the two of us
I haven’t even met you before,
Have we?

I’m new to these
I can never decipher your messages
I experienced different glances from you
Sometimes it’s blank
Sometimes it looked mesmerized
Sometimes I think it’s just an illusion that someone as good-looking as you (though not my type) is actually captivated by me
Sometimes it appeared like the whole world has stopped
Sometimes I see an uneasy pair of shifting eyes when we passed by each other
Sometimes it’s just smiling, saying high in a very erotic manner
- smiling, smiling… and making fun of me!
It really is, infuriating…
And my confusions are arising.

Please, tell me exactly
What did I do to you for you to make me suffer like this?
If you have any problems,
Tell it straightly to my face!


It’s been around 5 long months,
That you harnessed my anger to get to know you.
I hate it.
I hate you.
‘Cause I’m missing you.

It will be a year now since I last saw that look.
Stupid, and getting on my nerves.
I never paid much attention to those gazes.
I never thought that it would affect me greatly this way.
Unconsciously, behind those eyes,
I have given my soul to you.
No, you stole it.

I gave birth to obsession last summer while you were gone.
And he’s growing up faster than expected.
He’s healthy and impossible to die at this moment.
I even got him insured.
I finished my stressful first semester with him,
And celebrated even my birthday and Christmas holidays.
Up to now, we’re still together – with you in our hearts
In every core of its’ beating.
Please, kill him.
Or teach me how to…

My intense anger now turned to my endless yearning for you
Of course, you wouldn’t know.
You don’t even know me very well.
You’re such an airhead if ever.
But I don’t mind.
‘tis the truth no matter how shameful it might be.
It’s your entire fault.

Clammy cold hands surfaced at the very sight of you
Those familiar eyes never cease to belittle me
I cannot look straight up to you anymore
I was afraid that you would see that my fury has gone
And that it has been replaced with my untold fascination
You were capable anyway.
Or so I think.

Throughout the growth of obsession,
I got the chance to get to know you personally
We finally had little conversations.
It was not good enough.
The stares you made seemed to be a misunderstanding.
I almost thought that it never existed.
You never were interested in me.
I’m not sure anymore.
From the first time that I saw you looking like you did,
Initial reactions led to the conclusion that,
You were, somehow, attracted to me…

I now heed no mind into whatever was the reality.
I’m too stubborn to accept that I didn’t matter to you.
Because sometimes, it breaks me in two.
For the times that I thought of accepting it,
It garnered me nothing but deep sorrow, and negligence to my world.
But I know what I saw.
I know what you did.
Don’t dare to deny me…


My current feelings are strong and possessive.
They, somehow, are unsuitable for your calm disposition.
I also know, that we’re not meant for each other.
We’re too different.
I’m willing to adjust.
But the constant variables we have do not really jive.
We were used to the opposite extremities in life.
Worlds apart.
And I am no good for you.
A fact.
I went that deep.
For you,
For us….

I began dreaming about you.
My thoughts are relished with the strangest unfathomable craving to have you.
Just for once,
For my satisfaction.
I wanted to touch you,
Hold you,
Kiss you,
Taste you to a never-ending embrace,
And feel your warmth with a tinge of wrath.
I would like to give my all, as to capture the whole of you.
Every inch, raging, submerging to my very being.
Hear me cry for pain.
Feel it.
Explore it.
And for the last time, I wish to see those eyes again…
- hungry… aching… wanting me… sparkling with lust…
… and savoring my every desire.


########
i just hope that my friends won't get the chance to read this...
i love you guys...
call me crazy...
please treat this as another secret,
or just forget everything that you've read.
i'm trying to squeeze all my creative juice in here..
hahaha...

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